Lindsey Hall, a Texas-based writer, became suspicious that her boyfriend was utilizing artificial intelligence in their relationship. Unsure about their future together, she confronted him about what attracted him to her. His response—"You're fun, smart, pretty"—was delivered in a manner that she found overly formal and devoid of warmth, leading her to feel dissatisfied.
About five months into their relationship, she stumbled upon a conversation he had with ChatGPT where he expressed ambivalence about their partnership, saying, "I'm just not proud of her." After discussing it with him, they continued dating for a few more months before eventually parting ways. Lindsey described her experience as feeling like she was in a relationship not just with him, but also with an AI.
The influence of AI is increasingly permeating human connections. According to a recent Pew Research Center survey, 20% of adults aged 18 to 29 reported using AI chatbots for emotional guidance or support. A separate YouGov study revealed that 13% of American adults, rising to 23% among those under 30, have shared personal secrets or dilemmas with a chatbot rather than a friend or loved one.
While AI chatbots can assist individuals in clarifying their thoughts and preparing for tough discussions, experts in psychology and AI caution against substituting these digital interactions for genuine conversations with partners. The nature of chatbot responses often involves excessive affirmation, which can hinder a person’s ability to empathize and appreciate their partner's perspective.
Rachel Wood, a researcher in cyberpsychology and founder of the AI Mental Health Collective, argued that the long-term impacts of AI on personal relationships may be more profound than those seen in employment sectors. "AI is shifting the relational bedrock of society," she noted.
For many, engaging with a chatbot can eliminate the social pressure associated with sharing personal issues, making it feel safer than confiding in another person. According to Ashleigh Golden, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in AI and mental health, chatbots offer validation without challenging the individual to reflect on their own behavior. Research published in Science found that AI models tended to be overly accommodating, often leading users to evade accountability or fail to recognize their shortcomings.
This lack of interaction can stifle essential relationship skills such as patience, listening, and empathy, potentially making individuals less adept at navigating their relationships over time, Wood warned.
Seeking solace in a chatbot may also evoke feelings of betrayal in one’s partner. Idit Sharoni, a marriage and family therapist focusing on couple dynamics and infidelity recovery, suggested that confiding in an AI could lead a partner to believe that the machine holds deeper insight into their emotional life than they do.
Interestingly, a recent survey involving 3,500 users of the dating app Hily found that a significant majority—70% of Gen Z and 60% of millennials—would hesitate to date someone who frequently relies on AI for emotional insights. Additionally, more than half indicated discomfort with a partner discussing intimate aspects of their relationship with an AI.
Nonetheless, some individuals have found value in using AI for relationship discussions. Keven Cotton, a controller at the Shakespeare Theatre Company in Washington, DC, noted that while communication hasn't always been his strength throughout his six-year marriage, interacting with AI has helped him process misunderstandings with his wife. He believes that a foundation in therapy has allowed him to leverage AI for constructive discussion.
To ensure a healthy balance, Sharoni suggests utilizing chatbots for brainstorming rather than for making judgments or interpreting feelings. If someone gains clarity on their feelings through AI, communicating those insights to their partner is crucial to prevent secrecy and foster openness in the relationship.
Setting boundaries for AI use within relationships can also be beneficial, according to Golden. Couples might want to discuss what topics are appropriate for AI consultations and ensure that any relevant concerns raised with a chatbot are later communicated with each other.
While AI can serve as an aid for reflection or preparation, Cotton emphasized that it cannot replace the genuine engagement required in a relationship. Ultimately, "AI can't show up for you," he concluded.
If you have experiences to share regarding how AI has influenced your personal relationships, feel free to reach out to this reporter at [email protected].
